“I am my beloveds and he is mine”……May 9, 1987…….27 years
ago…….I married the man of my dreams, my soul mate, my best friend.
It has been 9863 days since the happiest day of my life and
according to our vows I was his wife for 8829 days, and it’s been 1034 days
since the worst day and by human calculators I should have approx. 12,785 days before I can be reunited with my
other half. What does it mean that I still miss my husband? It means I was a
very lucky woman- because I had someone so very special in my life for 34 years
!! Perhaps you may wonder about that
last part and the math…..I knew Carmen since I was 10 years old and in some of
my earliest teen journals…….I was in love with him back then !!
I keep pictures close by and we surround ourselves with mementos
in order to keep you near although you are so very far away. My tears flow
often and my heart feels as though it will never heal but when I think of you
it brings me strength and I pray that your love will carry me through. So many
days I keep myself busy being a mother and all the things that includes doing,
however every time I pause…….you are the only thing on my mind and in my heart.
You are the first thing I think of when I awake and the last as I finally fall
asleep.
There are so many special occasions and moments that I should be sharing and doing with you…..yet I am alone…….so many times that I still want to pick up the phone and tell you something. I want to share everything with you- the good, the bad, the exciting, the boring, the happy and the sad and most of all I wanted to grow old with you…….the always and forever, the happily ever after.
There are so many special occasions and moments that I should be sharing and doing with you…..yet I am alone…….so many times that I still want to pick up the phone and tell you something. I want to share everything with you- the good, the bad, the exciting, the boring, the happy and the sad and most of all I wanted to grow old with you…….the always and forever, the happily ever after.
My beloved Carmen……I love you for giving me your heart and
for trusting me with your secrets and your insecurities, I am glad you wanted to share your life with
me and have me by your side, I love how
you could make me smile and reassure me when things were tough, I treasure how
you would call me “just because” and our time sitting together discussing
literally everything. I miss your
confidence and reassurance when I doubted myself. I miss feeling your arms as
they would encircle me and how you would pull me close and tell me that you
would never let me go. There is so much
more yet my heart simply would say……I MISS YOU !!
To those reading this…….yes my heart still hurts as there is
not a time limit on grief…..this journey really does resemble a roller coaster
with all the ups and downs. So take time sooner rather than later to make time
to sit down with your spouse and make sure that you can say-”I am my beloved’s
and they are mine”…….make sure that they know how much you truly would be at a
loss if they were no longer here. Don’t be shy about giving your entire being
to them, talk about your dreams and the future you want to have together, Do
NOT let opportunities for showing your love to each other ever pass by thinking
that you will have all the time in the world.
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