It has been awhile since I wrote anything......not that I didn't have anything to tell you....just things have been so busy. But all in a good way. I know it may seem odd......but I really felt like I needed "to try to make up for how much last summer sucked"!!! My head knows that there is nothing I can ever do to "make up" for last summer.....but my heart says....."come on....the girls were cheated out of so much....and summer is just one of those things....fix it !!"
I have a friend (via a young w group- no I still do not like to use the other word for my situation or status) but anyway......she really needed to vent.....and the website is just that....a safe place where we are all in the same situation. Some for health reasons, others sudden health issues and some like me horrible accidents. But anyway......here is what she had to say the other day (and yes....I asked her permission to share this & she said certainly & with her blessing. So here it is- the part between the ***. If you feel so inclined.....some comments would be nice.
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I am fed up with single motherhood being synonymous with the words “flaky” and “unreliable” and an implied risk for the future development and stability of my children.
To my sisters who are blissfully unconscious to the realities of single motherhood I wish you blessings and celebrations for your good fortune. To my other sisters who are painfully awake to the reality of single motherdom I pray every night for you to find the strength to make it through another day. I pray that you and I will find a mirror of compassion shining on us and supporting us with grace when our lives are deep in chaos.
To my married sisters I ask you, I beg you to stop with the condescension about how hard my life is. You have no freakin idea how hard my life is and in a million years you could never truly imagine it so quit trying to !!! Don’t think you know what I am going through because three years ago your husband left on a business trip for five days and now you think you know exactly what it is like to be a single mother. Even if you got dinner on the table every night before 8:30 and mowed the lawn (once) and grocery shopped and got the oil changed it does not mean that after those five days you can know what single motherhood really is.
Can I just tell you Sister, with loving kindness, you don’t know shit if you think five days alone is the equivalent of single motherhood. You are fortunate to be in a bubble of protection that separates your reality from mine. I have no idea how hard your life is. I am not able to know the intimacies of your struggles or the painful aspects of your existence but I do know that I refuse to judge you based on my life and my conscious experience. I hold you with respect and trust that you are doing your best to raise your children with love and compassion; that you are contributing to the world with positive gestures of kindness and patience; I trust that you walk softly with your words about the triumphs and tribulations of those around you; and for all of this dear Sister, I return this love and compassion a million times over.
Your judgement of me and my dusty shelves or my unreliable nature do not serve either of us except to spin more sorrow into the web of this world. Please stop hurting me with your cold eyes when I show up late and forgot to bring the salad or the clean uniform for soccer or the $20 donation. I do not forget these things because I am flaky or unreliable, I forget them because they are the things of total inconsequence to the greater world order - the order that I live in. In my world if you showed up at all I am happy to see you, if you forgot the salad I will feed you from my bowl, if you forgot the money I will give you mine and for God’s sakes if you forgot the uniform I will applaud you for paying attention to what matters in your life like nurturing your spirit and listening carefully to your children when they speak to you.
Thank you Sisters for hearing me and for remembering that none of us can truly know the nature of another’s life - the best we can do is shower each other in compassion and celebrate the miracle of the sun together.
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So there it was........so I thought I would share it with whomever reads my blog so that they can see how other women are thinking and what they are feeling. For me.....it is a small blessing to connect with women who get me.
Please do not think that for a moment that I do not appreciate each and everyone of you in our lives. For without you I would not have made it thru this past year, and the girls wouldn't have survived it and continue on unless they received the love & support that we have- just know that there are in indeed many hurting, single mother's out there.....and a good chunck of us.....never asked for any of this !!
Well that is all for tonight.....like I said.....I just wanted to share her thoughts !!
