In a general reply to the couple of lovely & thoughtful
messages of love & encouragement-
yes I did change my cover pictures in honor of my beloved Carmen- his birthday is
this Sunday. There isn't a day that goes by that my mind does not think of him
and wonder.....or that my heart doesn't miss him. I miss his strength, his
tenderness, his love, guidance and input. I hate having to make medical
decisions for the girls without talking it over with him. I miss his wit &
humor and the mischievous way he would tease me and push my buttons. And……I
miss our arguments- yes…..we were human and we would fight over something and
we both were pig headed and wanted the last word. Carmen and I fought and loved
passionately and I wouldn’t have had it any other way.
Most days the girls and I are doing ok; because I am an “only”
parent- I do what I have to so that my children have some sense of normalcy. I
have begun to have “good stretches”
where for a few days I’ve smiled and enjoyed activities again. The hard part is
when we go home.....Carmen is not there for me to tell him all about our day,
adventure or activity. We are facing a busy few months- his birthday, another
Easter, and then the big one.....our eldest will graduate high school.
I've had to learn so many new things these past 2 years 7
months & 22 days. Things that I never thought I (or most wives) would think
that you have to learn. And I can tell you- most of them suck !! God gave me a
wonderful husband that truly took care of his wife and children, who cared
deeply for others and was always willing to help and I miss him more than these
words can convey.
I know people mean well & that they just want to make
this pain go away- but I'm sorry it is not possible. So please be patient with
me as I attempt to once again get thru another special day & events without
my beloved.....my heart is broken, I'm moody and frankly there are days when I
just don't give a poo.
It is times like these when what I need is your
unconditional love & support, your patience knowing that I will come out of
my mood (in my own time), and if you know me well enough to invade my comfort
zone.....a hug. And yes-keep inviting us over to hang out with you & your
family- one of these days I will accept.
