1/8/2012

Well....the new year arrived and we continue on our journey without Carmen. Since Christmas we've had some more of those ups & downs. We were off from school & work for Christmas break. We got to visit the Franklin Inst. to experience the CSI exhibit. It was alot of fun & the girls were so very observant.  :)  yes......they solved all 3 cases !!!  On the down side.....the girls had been fighting off some sort of bug... but it didnt' last.....they both got sick. Thankfully after some rest & OTC meds Gianna got better & Toni needed some antibiotics for bronchitis and is doing much better.

On New Years Eve morning we attended my grandmother's funeral. For me it was more heartbreaking to see my father, his brothers and sisters sadness. I feel bad that I couldn't feel more for her but my heart is still so broken that I think my mind shut off all feeling other than the pain of seeing my father's heart hurt. She lived a long life to the age of 97.

On New Year's night......the girls and I continued our tradition of staying up until midnight....watching the ball drop, sharing a smooch & going outside to bang pots loudly in attempts to wake the neighborhood. We then came in and made our phone calls !! As usual.....the girls loved this !!!

This past weekend we had a multifaceted get together (or as I called it my anti-birthday party). The girls, my parents, dear Kim, Robert, Alex, my sister in law Paula & Lily all were here to get together for Christmas, New Years and for my Mother's and my birthday. I made a good bit of tasty tidbits.... (well ok....I can't say made.....I got a good bit) of tasty food together. We had pepperoni & cheese with 3 types of crackers, shrimp cocktail, carrots & dip, trail mix (for the healthy minded) snack mix (for the rest of us) ......we then moved on to meatball & roast beef sandwiches. Robert brought some delicious potato salad to have on the side. After some time for all that to settle......we moved on to one terrific cake (shout out to Chrissie- YUM !!!)  Chrissie is amazing......I was not feeling the whole birthday thing......and other than telling her 1/2 vanilla 1/2 chocolate & telling her to write Happy Birthday Mom !! I didn't give any other specs......sneaky chickie.....waited until I wasn't around and asked Toni for my mother's & my favorite colors and then made the most beautiful, yummy, delicious and moist cake !!!  (she also added my name to the cake- lol !!)

We spent some time visiting and laughing. We had some precious laughs with Lily bug & then after awhile they had to go.....little one needed to get to bed. My parents soon followed.....but Alex & Toni got Robert involved in using the wii to look at disney pics.......on this part of the visit- I will just say that is truly wonderful to laugh !!!  To laugh is healing.......to see our girls laugh=priceless.....to be teased and tortured by Robert.....almost as much fun as Carmen doing it (same twisted humor).

So now......this week......as usual....will be a busy week with the girls, we will celebrate my mother's 69th birthday (doesn't she look great- certainly doesn't look her age) we will acknowledge my birthday but at the same time.........we will arrive at the 6 month mark of losing my dear man. It's hard to fathom that: 1/2 year or 26 weeks- 184 days and countless sleepless & painful hours and minutes is coming to pass.

I often wonder.....how is it that time passes so quickly yet seem like it has stood still ?? I think.....ok....we've gotten thru two of the most painful holidays yet still have a lifetime to do this without Carmen. I was in the store and I see Valentine's day stuff already......my first thought......what am I going to get Carm ?? Then it was like running into the brick wall......my lover & my best friend is gone.  That makes me think of all the other holidays to come......it didn't matter how small the holiday was......we would celebrate them......we'd laugh about that too & he would tease.  Oh how I miss his laugh......along with so many other things.

At this point I am thankful that the Lord has made my brain to keep me in the present.......when I try to think to far ahead it shuts down......I have the hardest time thinking.

Anyway.....back to the present and a happier note- this week we are waiting to see some happy pictures from Debbie.......her son is back in the States.....no more war zone for him !!  Brian, Tim, and now Keith all home= another good heart moment !!  =)

As I have said before .....but would like to repeat........to all of you who take the time to love and care for the girls and I.......Thank you......I really couldn't do this without you.