The end of one
year and the beginning of a new one….do you look back fondly or with regret ?
Personally, my view was tainted- with pain, numbness & grief….but as I
grieved and mourned the loss of my beloved Carmen- I was also made aware that
there were others rejoicing as they got to meet him in heaven.
For 17 months I
have tried to imagine that on that fateful day….as the girls and I had our
lives changed forever……my beloved Carmen was changed also…..he no longer had to
deal with human heartache, he no longer had to deal with aches and pains…..and
the moment of death brought instantaneous & everlasting happiness…..I
dreamt that he was escorted by the angels to Jesus himself…..who personally
greeted him and wrapped him in his arms and said, you may not have had an easy
life & you struggled a lot- you didn’t let it stop you & you had a big
heart- “well done thou good and faithful servant”.
When I am lucky
enough……I dream of him and of the time that we will be reunited, those dreams
show him happy and some show him sitting around a table with the loved ones who
also have gone on ahead of us…..they eat all the meals that they loved, have
their vino and laugh and talk endlessly of their treasured memories & of us
still here. Sometimes I see him walking a path of light towards large lavish
gates……where he looks into the distance…..I only ever see clouds- I imagine
this is my mind telling me that at the close of each day…..he walks this path
and stops by those gates….to await his beloved……to one day- be the first to
welcome me back into his arms.
My brain has
realized that he will not be coming home; My heart & soul ache because we
are soul mates who have been torn apart by space & time yet are still
connected. As this New Year begins- I
will pray that the Lord gives us strength & grace to deal with whatever
comes. I look forward to what the Lord had planned for our girls & me. For in our grief, the girls and I cannot see
the big picture……we only see a small piece, but he sees everything and has
plans that we can only begin to dream.
My wish for all
of You who are reading this…….Peace, Strength and a Happier New Year. Take the
time to show the people in your lives that you love them, forgive the past
& don’t allow the past to ruin the future. Much love~Crystal
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