Good Morning,
I write this morning with a happy heart to let you know that Gianna the past two nights has taken another big step in the grieving process. On Tuesday and last night she decided to sleep in her own bed !! On Tuesday she moved her pillow in her room and set her alarm early to shower before school- it was as we were preparing for bed that she told me. She said she didn't want to wake me up since she was getting up early. I told her that it was not a problem and I didn't mind hearing the alarm- but she insisted and so I assured her that her decision was fine with me.
Of course the Mama in me also reassured her that if for any reason she either needed or wanted to come back in my room that would be okay too. Her calm smile and reply "Oh I know Mom" !! How blessed my heart was to hear that she already knows AND remembers !!
Toni is still needing closer comfort. During the night she will frequently roll over to "feel" if I am there. She has always been an active octopus sleeper....but her need to make sure I am there makes me sad that she can't fully rest.
Both girls are adjusting to school and loving it....although they will lead you to believe otherwise !! They still have their up and down moments. They are both comfortable sharing with me and a few others that they are close with comments or memories of Carmen when the moment prompts. And this too is a great relief to me- I love when we are doing something and they say "Daddy loved doing this, or we should have gotten that for Daddy, or even ...do you think Dad would like this?? And I am able to reply with a smile or a laugh !!
Please continue your prayers for us.......we try to keep busy- yet not so busy that we can't catch our breath or continue on our journey. I myself stay busy with alot of things that a normal Mother would handle, along with my work at the school.
To some it may seem like I am not grieving....but their impression is none of my concern. I need to focus on our girls and make sure they are- loved, taken care of , reassured & comforted. My needs will always come second to them and I will deal with my reality in my own way.
Harsh and cruel reality have no problem creeping & even sometimes invading my personal thoughts and my heart. There are so many times that all the small things I crave with Carmen can overtake my mind......so I put them away for a time, pray for strength to get thru the moment and thank God for the assurance that I will see my Beloved Carmen one day !!
I am thankful daily for my family and friends who continue to support, love and comfort us. Without you we would have an even lonelier journey. When people ask how I am doing....I can say that I am holding on...and sometimes even say I'm doing ok. The reason is.....I really appreciate the prayers, the hugs, the small gestures of reminders that we are not alone and that we have people who care FOR AND ABOUT us.
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