Yesterday was 7 months. Seven months of waiting for Carmen to walk back in the door. Seven months of wondering what really happened to my beloved. Seven months of my heart breaking but also feeling numb. Seven months of trying to help our daughters grieve and to allow them to start to live. To help them feel something other than loss and pain. All the while my heart breaks, a hole that can never be filled.
It is said that grief is a path that is traveled alone. For no one can truly understand the pain you are feeling. Each person has a different perspective and experience. It is so very hard to let others in- to let them really know the pain that I feel. Most people think that I am so strong and that I am doing so well, but in reality- I am tired and in pain. When your heart is breaking it is exhausting.
I am keeping busy & for now that is what I need. I am also busy planning a "Celebration of life party to honor Carmen.....and also to celebrate what would have been our 25th anniversary. I am blessed in that last May....right after our 24th anniversary.....I found out Carmen was planning to celebrate our 25th in a big way. He had plans to renew our vows and to surprise me with some other fun things.
Well......I am off for now- probably won't post again until after the sting of Valentines day passes. I know I have said this before......but I am thankful for all of my family and friends. I am thankful for your support and love.
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