This post was from a new friend’s page: but it very true
& not just for the loss of a husband.....but the loss of any of our loved
ones. So here it is...... abbreviated & then my thoughts added.
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A counselor made this comment that helped with this whole
grieving process. They were talking about outsiders, society, & people who
don't "get" this but still give their judgmental opinions about how I
need to "move on" or "let go". She was told simply:
"You do not have to let go of your husband. Not ever ! That is not the
goal- the goal is for you to be able to live a life, and in that life, your
husband will always be a part of it. He is a part of you- it would be
impossible to let him go.
The idea is not to let him go- but rather to gradually
change your relationship with him. It's a shift- even though he isn't here, you
still have a relationship & You always will ! That doesn’t die. We need to
figure out what that relationship IS now, how it works, and where to place him
in your new life."
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So from the moment I was told that Carmen was killed....I
had to shift.....first I shifted into shock, but then I shifted into Mommy
mode.....how do I protect my babies....how do I help them with this most
unbearable pain ?? Then I shifted into just existing.....figuring out how to go
on.....without my beloved Carmen by my side. I quickly realized that I could NOT
be both Mommy and Daddy. I sat the girls down and told them…..I’m sorry….I can’t
fix this- I can’t make this better, I can’t make this pain go away…..I can only
try to be the best mommy that I can be. This is not going to be easy or pleasant…..I
don’t know why God has allowed this to happen to us and I can’t say that I am
happy with him for it but we need to keep focused on him….knowing that he has
our best interest at heart & will bring us thru.
One day we will laugh again…..one day the pain will not be as painful…..it will always be with us but so will Carmen……the love, values and knowledge he gave us will live on in us. He was a strong, a caring and loving man- who is with us forever……we can’t be afraid to grieve or for that matter to go forward with our lives……because we will never let him go……we will just find our new normal & figure out where to go from here. I LOVE YOU Carm……always have & always will !! xoxox o
One day we will laugh again…..one day the pain will not be as painful…..it will always be with us but so will Carmen……the love, values and knowledge he gave us will live on in us. He was a strong, a caring and loving man- who is with us forever……we can’t be afraid to grieve or for that matter to go forward with our lives……because we will never let him go……we will just find our new normal & figure out where to go from here. I LOVE YOU Carm……always have & always will !! xoxox o
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