As you can see from the time.....it is another of my sleepless nights. So much runs thru my head & heart. FIRST- I would like to take a moment to Thank You all for your encouraging words, the love you send & your positive thoughts & prayers !!! I truly, truly appreciate them.
But next I do need to say something- there really isn't anything to be proud of me for- I really am not as strong as you t...hink I am- this past year I have been what I thought was blessedly numb. Yes there were good moments, good times with my dear precious girls, family & friends.....but all the while....there was a mask on- appearances are deceiving- my heart was empty. And now....somehow.....reality is no longer creeping in slowly.......it is a flood !!! And it totally sucks !!!!
This past year I have had to do so much that previously was "Carmen's job"- so much that he handled in 28 years.....he took care of things so that I didn't even have to think about such things. Why is there no manuel for all of this ??? Why hasn't someone written a handbook on what to do & what to look for & to tell us.....here are alot of things that hubbys would do that you now have to do ???
Anywho.....I will end tonight's rambling thoughts with this- I am struggling with a pain that I certainly would have never chosen for me or the girls. And I know that many of you are dealing with Carmen's death & your pain also. I am thankful for EACH and EVERY one of you !!!! For without the love, support and encouragement I would not be where I am right now. Some of you may not really think about how much your words, notes, postcards and small kindness can carry a broken hearted woman thru her next moment, hour, day or week. How you support Gianna & Toni in two ways......1st by supporting their Mama.....& 2nd by loving them !!!
God is good, God is great.....and I thank him for my family & friends. My beloved is with him.....and one day I will join him but until then......I have been given all of you.
With much love.......~Crys
But next I do need to say something- there really isn't anything to be proud of me for- I really am not as strong as you t...hink I am- this past year I have been what I thought was blessedly numb. Yes there were good moments, good times with my dear precious girls, family & friends.....but all the while....there was a mask on- appearances are deceiving- my heart was empty. And now....somehow.....reality is no longer creeping in slowly.......it is a flood !!! And it totally sucks !!!!
This past year I have had to do so much that previously was "Carmen's job"- so much that he handled in 28 years.....he took care of things so that I didn't even have to think about such things. Why is there no manuel for all of this ??? Why hasn't someone written a handbook on what to do & what to look for & to tell us.....here are alot of things that hubbys would do that you now have to do ???
Anywho.....I will end tonight's rambling thoughts with this- I am struggling with a pain that I certainly would have never chosen for me or the girls. And I know that many of you are dealing with Carmen's death & your pain also. I am thankful for EACH and EVERY one of you !!!! For without the love, support and encouragement I would not be where I am right now. Some of you may not really think about how much your words, notes, postcards and small kindness can carry a broken hearted woman thru her next moment, hour, day or week. How you support Gianna & Toni in two ways......1st by supporting their Mama.....& 2nd by loving them !!!
God is good, God is great.....and I thank him for my family & friends. My beloved is with him.....and one day I will join him but until then......I have been given all of you.
With much love.......~Crys
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