8/31/11

Seven & a half weeks without my Carmen. Time is weird....it stops, then moves slowly...yet.....goes by so quickly !!  Today was Gianna's first day & for Toni & I our second day. All of us had some moments today and thankfully I have coworkers who understand that I need some extra words of encouragement and hugs !! {if you are reading this...thank you !!}

So many times I've thought...I need to call Carm & tell him something....it is then I realize that he is not here & oh does my heart hurt !! Never to hear his voice again....or to hear his laugh & to have that special greeting when we would see each other. I miss the part where the girls would run hollering ...."Daddy's home !!" and jump into his arms & hug him....Carm would then say....alright....let me hug your mother.....pull me close & let me {& sometimes the girls} that I was his first and favorite girl !!

Today.....I was going to be a tiny bit later than I first anticipated....and my first thought ??  Let me call Carmen & tell him not to worry.  When does that part stop being the first thought ??  Damn my heart hurts & I just want to snuggle close to him !!

Our dear girls had sad moments today too & thankfully- Toni can just come see me....but dear Gianna had to suffice with a call. I told her....if she needed me....I would stop what I was doing and come right to her !!! My brave girl said....no...it's ok Mama....I'll talk to you later !!  The three of us hugged tightly when we were together again...and although none of us said it out loud.....I know we were thinking....."wish Daddy was here !!"

I'm exhausted.....girls are tired.....and so we are cleaning up a bit....and going to bed !! Goodnight all !!